my music

I love music. I feel it is so soothing to my soul. Chris and I both LOVE music so much that when we first started dating we weren't sure how our tastes would work together. I was a rock queen and he was country cowboy but we have learned to broaden our horizens and appreciate even more music.

He recently purchased Michal Macdonald's greatest hits and although I joked that he was "predictable" it is really very good! In fact it has been soothing my soul as I have been missing him this weekend. Especially this track, love it!

you know you're in trouble when.......

you have already removed the diaper and you realize you have only one wipe left for what is at least a three wipe job.

Welcome to school

We went to Toby's "Welcome to School" day yesterday. His children's day out program starts next Thursday. He was so excited. We have been talking about it for a while and this week Chris took him to get new kicks and a lunchbox so he knew it was getting close. We met his teacher and got his book bag and milk card. We just visited (his class will usually be 4 hours once a week) and when we left he balled all the way to the grocery store. I am excited for him too.

I think (hope) it is safe to say he is officially potty trained! I am glad, I wanted him to be confident going in, even though this is only CDO. We have had very few accidents in the last week and he is initiating the bathroom breaks on his own. He even has woken up dry from nap more often than not.

He is growing up!

Eighties

Ahhh nap time, what would I do without it. A little quiet and an opportunity to be productive.....or not.

The ads in the paper today really emphasized that the eighties are back! Skinny jeans, chunky jewelry, loud stripes, bold colors. I don't think I am going to be IN this time around. Oh well. I do love eighties music though. This reminded me though of a funny Scrubs skit I saw once so I got it off of YouTube. Zach Braff is a crack-up.

Case of the Mundays

Did you see that movie Office Space and remember that line "Do you have a case of the Mondays?". Funny movie, a little too vulgar though. Sometimes I feel like I have the Mundays disease. I feel like a slug and that my house is a disaster.

I remember even when I worked loathing Mondays. I make a point to try not to leave the house on Mondays and be relaxed but somewhat productive (start laundry, etc). I actually like Mondays now better. What will I do when I have to work again???

Today I started running around trying to pick up and organize (to get out of the Mundays I guess). I wonder if my mother-n-law is right, that you are happier when you are more organized.

Deep thoughts today :-)

BLT's for dinner and then Girls Night Out...woohoo!!!

Water Gun Fun

I am reading two books now that are helping me to re-evaluate and learn to live more "in the moment". They are One Month to Live: 30 Days to a No Regrets Life and The Mommy Diaries (our MOPS theme book this year). Great books, I would recommend even after only reading a few chapters.

I appreciate the children for so many reasons but reading these books I am learning a new thing to appreciate is that they present me daily with opportunities to live in the moment with no regrets.....and to have fun.

Case in point: A couple of weeks ago we took the kids to ride go-karts and bumper boats on a weeknight. We had some free passes and needed to get out of our routine for one night. Chris took Toby on the go karts and suggested I take him on the bumper boats. Little did I know there are water guns built into these bumper boats. In addition, 3-4 young boys also were riding the bumper boats at that time.

So they saw me and Toby and pretty much left us alone at first but Tobe saw them squirting and starting to try to squirt too. So, I decided to get in on the fun and once these kids realized I was game they were nailing us with the water guns and I was getting them GOOD too. I laughed HARD and we all had a good time. I left kind of soaked but it was so worth it and I am going to try to remember to follow the kids lead once in while.

Tap Class

Ok, so I signed up for an intermediate tap class through Meremac just for fun and a mid-week mommy break. I walk in tonight and most of the ladies were past retirement age. So even though I haven't tapped in years I am thinking "I got this in the bag". The instructor was definitely of a classic style. She actually had a record player and records!

Well I enjoyed the class but let's just say that God was telling me to stay humble and don't judge.... or else I will put you where you belong. In addition to NOT having it "in the bag" I couldn't beat some of those ladies (teacher included) in a legs contest even being 25 years younger.

They were funny though and they helped me have a good time and not take it too seriously. Plus it was good exercise.

Cute pics from the zoo

Btw, I did have fun watching the kids have fun but most of the time I was stressed, sigh.

Control Freak

So, show of hands...who thinks I am a conrol freak? I always thought of a control freak as someone very neat and organized but I am realizing that it can take different forms.

Yesterday, I took the kids to the zoo with another Mom. This Mom has older children and is a little older than I. I felt like I was yelling at Toby to come back practically all day and I think this Mom may have thought I was a little nutty. I was having panic attacks all day if the kids left my line of site for even a second. There are a lot of people at the zoo and it only takes a second for someone to snatch them up. In hindsight I should have just made both of them ride in the stroller for the majority of the day, however, they really did have a good time running with the other kids.

There lies the dilemma. I am stuggling to find the line of letting them have fun and me keeping them safe. I like to think I am a good parent and am just setting boundaries and structure for them. Although, I realized the more I yelled at Toby yesterday the less control I had of the situation. I really don't like yelling at them either, it makes me feel like a really lousy mother but sometimes it's like 2 year olds just don't hear you.

Needless to say, I am very glad today to be back at home with the kids in our environment and I am not taking anymore trips to the zoo without Chris or a kid leash, lol.

Thing 1 and Thing 2

I gave the kids a bath today, which they love, and noticed that thing 2 (baby sis) was mimicking thing 1 (big bro). They had little tea cups and were playing like they were pouring and drinking coffee. I was glad to see this and I have seen it vice-versa quite often too. I am excited about it because I think it means they LIKE each other. We still have plenty of biting, yelling, and stealing throughout the day but they are learning to play together and I do think they will be lifelong buds. It comforts me to know too that when they go to school they will be able to support one another.

It also comforts me in my decision to spend this time at home with them. First, I get to be there to observe the coffee party but also I think if they were in day care around other kids they wouldn't be learning to like each other as well.

So this is one large thing to appreciate in this season, as well as the homegrown tomatoes. My neighbor has brought me lots of homegrown tomatoes lately and boy are they good! We have had fresh peaches too and I am loving it. Although, I still like fall/winter better the produce in summertime is very nice. The fresh produce sort of makes up for the heat and those awful, viscous, dreaded mosquitoes!

Adventures in Mothering

Our MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group theme this year is Adventures in Mothering...Ephesians 3:18: “…how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” When I first heard it I wasn't real moved but I thought I will go with it and make it work (from a leader perspective). I started reading the book and it is a collecion of short stories written by Mom's. It is good but still I thought....I am past the crazy stage of mothering. My kids are becoming more independent. Although, this week has definitely seemed like a rollercoaster, and I am realizing this theme is ME, not as a leader but as a mother.

Case in point: Started out today with the dog hiking his leg in the kitchen on the stove, floor, and on some recycled grocery bags. It was a lot. He must be losing his mind in his old age.....it did not seem an issue of control. Mess #1. We sat down to read books in the blue chair and I thought "It really is nice staying home with my sweet babies, the dog isn't going to ruin my day"......spoke too soon. Then Toby had two accidents in his pants this morning...he also must be losing his mind because he knows this is starting to put me over the edge. Mess #2 and #3. The man finally came to fix the dishwasher....YEAH! Put dishes in the dishwasher and got laundry started. Woohoo! Let kids watch Pooh this morning and started trying to fold laundry. They wandered into the bathroom and broke the pineapple soap dispenser on the sink. Abby was making a little gagging sound and I assume she ate some of the soap. Mess #4, and call to Poison Control, geesh. Then we ate lunch and went outside to play. Beautiful day!!! Toby wanted to get in the pool so I decided to be adventurous (purposefully) and we got suits on. We actually had fun.

Came back in to get naps ASAP (can't stand whining!). Before nap Toby pooped on the potty, YEAY! Suckers all around. Abby of course didn't eat her sucker instead sticking it to me, her, and all nearby surfaces. Mess #5. While putting Toby down I noticed I heard water running some where.......I know I turned off the hose. I went to investigate and found water all over the bathroom floor near the laundry room. Opened the commode basin to get sprayed in the face with the hose. Geesh, Mess #6. Not looking forward to hubby coming in from bad day at work and that is the first thing he gets to do. Ugh.

Some where in all of that I am realizing that the theme REALLY is fitting me. In all the craziness you sometimes lose track of your identity. I have heard this in the past before and thought "That's not me, my family is my identity" however there are still things I used to love like dance and listening to rock music that I need to touch base with once in a while. I need to touch base with things from my youth so that my children know to have fun with their youth and that I am not a crabby mean old mommy all the time. More than fun things though, I need to find the passions of my soul so that God will bless those and help me be a better Mom. I am not just a mess cleaner upper!

Now for ME time (in addition to writing this blog). Off to a work out and to listen to the Pixes "Where is My Mind?"......hehehe

Working

Working hard or hardly working...

Humble

Well we missed our Cardinals game today which is a bummer because our family really had fun there last time we went. Toby's favorite thing right now is Cardinals baseball but staying home this afternoon seemed the best thing to do after the morning we had.

Abigail had her check-up echocardiogram today and man did she fight! She was even sedated for part of it and still put up her dukes. I felt so out of control. I couldn't comfort, console, distract, or even hold her down (she is a strong little thing!). I felt so helpless and who knows what the nurses were thinking. I did pray for God to help us get through it though and the good news is in the end they got the pictures and Abigail is still doing well. Praise God. I am reminded again of how God controls things, not me.

I did feel comforted when Chris and Toby came in to be with us. No matter what the situation I feel 90% of the tension release if he (Chris) enters it. What a blessing to have such a loving, comforting, strengthing, supportive partner. Today it was just him validating what we were going through in there and that "Our daughter really is a sweetheart!"

More on God's is in control, I received an email this morning with the Steven Curtis Chapman interview about the loss of his daughter Maria. What a testimony on how even when we can't understand God's plan we have to keep faith: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApIQXJqJmAs

poopoo!!!

We (Toby) are finally making progress on the potty training. For some reason I thought it would be easier even after all of the stories I had heard about boys being tougher. Well I can validate, unless you started potty training them at birth, boys ARE tough! He still doesn't initiate on his own and I have to ask 30 times an hour "Do you have to go potty?" but he is successful at peeing and pooping (twice yesterday!) on the potty. What a relief! We are still having accidents and it is tought not to get frustrated at him, especially during PMS, but he really is doing good. I am proud of my boy!!!! M&M's all around!

8/4/05

Well I just got in from getting the mail and cleaning dog poop off my shoes. Yuck! Sometimes I wish I could hose the whole house down with a pressure washer and organic cleaner.

I wonder if all dogs really do go to heaven? I hope not, or at least if they do maybe they don't poop, shed, lick, or jump on you in heaven. Ironically, I think the dog poop got on my shoes when I was picking up dog poop in the back yard (my least favorite task).

I am a little crabby today and I think it could be PMS. I yelled at the kids a couple of times and I hate when I do that. They get this frozen look on their face like "I think she may take my head off". I am talking screaming yelling not just a change in tone or volume. I always try to apologize to them and today I explained that yelling is not nice and Mommy shouldn't do it and we shouldn't do it to each other. I felt this was necessary as Toby (2) and Abby (1) have been doing some yelling at each other. Actually it's kind of funny to hear it coming out of their little bodies. In fact, they were going back and forth at the dinner table the other night. Toby spitting at her and her yelling at the top of her little baby lungs "NOOOOOO!". Toby ended up starting to laugh at her and we were giggling a little too but she was dead serious.

I prayed for God to help me get out of my funk today. It is a pretty good day besides the oven outside. I took the kids out for about 10 minutes, it was just too hot. Then I bribed them with juice to come back in. After that I decided to color with them instead of just watching them play because I was crabby (I like to color) and I colored a page that said "You are a very blessed woman". It was a little Christian book and it was the angel telling Mary about baby Jesus. So, God answered my prayer and I have been repeating that phrase all day "You are a very blessed woman". I am getting less crabby, despite the dog poop.

I wonder if woman are hungrier when they are PMSing or maybe I am just always hungry. I just had an eggroll with some homemade sauce. Eggrolls are just not as good out of the microwave but in this heat I could not turn the oven on for 1 eggroll. I still really liked the eggroll. I wanted sweet and sour sauce but we didn't have any so I used honey and vinegar. It doesn't taste the same but it was good. Then an organic chocolate chip cookie. I swear organic things somehow taste better. Funny thing though, I am still hungry!!!!